Holding Back
by futureauthor612
Summary: Casey breaks up with Max, and she and Derek have an experience that will change their lives forever...But what will come from this? How will it affect each of them? Rated M for sexual content and mature references/themes.
1. Casey: Sinking

**Hey everybody! For all my fans, don't worry. My other fics will be updated ASAP!  
So, a little explanation for this story...  
Yesterday I was watching _Life With Derek_ (don't ask; it was the only thing on), and it was the episode where Max tells Casey he didn't want to date her anymore. It was so sad! So then I was like, Hey, what if Casey and Derek had different feelings for each other? I know that if I had a hot stepbrother like Michael Seater, I'd have a crush on him... LOL  
Also, last night I was thinking about that and when I fell asleep, I had a dream about it! So I was like yeah, I gotta write a fanfic about my dream. So this is it!  
Anyways, I just wanted to lighten the mood a bit from my other fics... Read those too!  
So read this, and comment and lemme know what you think! Thanks!**

**~futureauthor612~**

* * *

I had never felt so alone.

It was like my world was crashing down, breaking apart into little pieces.

I almost wanted to write a poem to let out my feelings, but it wouldn't work. Not this time.

_Max took my hand, pressing it softly to his lips, holding it there for a few short seconds. _

"_You know I love you, Casey." He murmured, looking into my eyes._

_I was already getting choked up. "Then why are you doing this?" _

"_It's just gotten too hard. You're not the girl I thought you were. You're different." He sighed, gently putting his warm, strong hand to my cheek. I wrapped my fingers around the wrist of that hand, holding it against me firmly. "I'll always love you, Casey."_

_The tears began running down my face as I whispered, "Then don't leave." I leaned in to kiss him on his cheek, once, and he allowed. But then my lips began to trail down his face to meet his, and he pulled back. _

"_No, Case. I'm sorry." And then he was unraveling my frozen fingers from his wrist, gently, and he took a step back. "Goodbye." With that he turned and walked out _

Remembering that moment, when Max said goodbye to me forever, was too hard to manage. The tears fogged up my vision once more, even though it was already two hours later. I sat curled up in a ball on the couch, staring at the TV but not really watching it, just allowing my eyes to run over the figures on the screen.

I heard the door open and slam shut, but I didn't tear my eyes away from the television. I heard the heavy footfalls slow and then stop at the coat rack. "Hey, Case…" It was Derek. Great. Just what I needed; a little one-on-one time with Mr. Sensitive himself.

"Derek, please, I'm really not in the mood." I muttered, glancing at him. He looked a mess; all wet from the pouring rain outside.

He raised an eyebrow, hanging up his dripping coat on the hanger. It had obviously not done its job in the storm outside; his clothes were also very wet. "What happened, did good-ole Maxie finally get some sense and break up with you?"

I looked at him in horror for a moment, my lip jutting out, and crushed my face into the couch cushion, crying out, "Yes!" and sobbing hysterically.

There was silence on his end for a moment. Then I heard his footsteps coming towards the couch, felt the weight shift on the cushions as he sat down. "I- I'm sorry." He muttered.

The tears came to a rather abrupt stop. I hiccupped, and then raised my head to look at him skeptically. "_You're_ sorry? Whatever happened to hating his guts because he liked mine? Whatever happened to 'Maxie-Pad' and all the other names you used to call him?"

He shrugged. "You don't look like you're in the mood for it tonight."

My mouth fell open in shock. "I might have preferred it to the sensitive Derek I am experiencing right now…" I muttered, raising an eyebrow. "What is going on?"

His eyebrows furrowed; the corners of his mouth dropped into a frown. "Would you like me to change my attitude to fit those wishes?" He said icily.

I realized he had actually meant the apology. "No," I said quickly, still hesitant. I placed a hand on his forearm tentatively. "I'm… I'm glad you apologized. I believe you; I'm just surprised is all."

He shrugged again, glancing at my hand on his arm. "Well, you know, all those times that I… said what I said, it wasn't because I hated Max." His voice was barely loud enough for me to hear.

"Then why did you say those things?" I whispered back, not really caring anymore about Max or anyone who hated him, but asking out of curiosity.

"Because… I didn't like that… he was with you." He looked at my face for a moment, and then turned away, his faced reddening.

I frowned, cocking my head. "But- you don't like me either…" I was so confused; I had never seen Derek this way. I wondered for a fleeting moment where he had been on this Friday night since he wasn't on a date.

He looked down. "Yes... I do."

I shook my head confusedly. "No you don't. You hate me! You show it very often. Like that time you sabotaged my poem, that time you switched tests with me, the time you made that wild party when Mom and George were out and I had to clean up, that time you made that stupid 'Boy Rule' so I wouldn't go out with Sam…" But I stopped short. Normally I would continue that list for hours, but for some reason I didn't right now. Actually, for two reasons: one, because Derek had a tight, faraway look in his eyes; and two, because there was something strange about that last one that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

He smirked, and for a second I saw normal Derek. That disappeared with his words. "Why do you think I even made that rule?" He said slowly, deliberately, now looking into my eyes.

The look on his face made me uncomfortable; I looked away quickly. "Well, at the time I thought it was because you wanted me to be miserable…" I didn't finish that sentence because I didn't really know what I thought of it right then.

"No," he whispered. "It was because… I didn't trust him, not even my _best friend_, to be with you. Not even him."

My confusion became thicker and yet clearer at the same time. "You…were trying to protect me?" Even as I said it, it felt weird in my mouth, like a rotten egg. It made no sense.

He nodded, and then placed a hand on my cheek quickly, softly, looking into my eyes. "Casey, you… you really are important to me. Possibly the…single most important person in my life."

I drew in a shaky breath, my lips parting to form words, but none came. Finally, one did. "What?"

He removed his hand from my cheek, his fingers curling up embarrassedly. "I just…have a hard time showing it."

My mouth dropped open in shock once more; I hastened to close it.

"Casey, I… I love you."

This time I couldn't shut my mouth again. "You _what?_" Was I dreaming or something? This made utterly no sense.

He shut his eyes tightly, grimacing, sighing. "I'm sorry." He opened his eyes, shrugging. "I guess I should have expected that reaction."

"No, I…" I had no idea how to show him that I felt this way as well, so I did the only thing I could think of.

Placing my hand on his warm cheek, I leaned into him, touching his lips with mine. After a few moments I tried to pull away, but his hand was behind my neck, keeping me locked onto him. My stomach leaped as his fingers softly brushed the nape of my neck, raising goose bumps.

"Wow," we whispered in unison.


	2. Derek: Melting

**Okay, so I'm not really used to writing such...smutty fics... but I figured, what the hell? It would be fun! So I did... I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and don't worry- there's more to come!  
P.S- I think this may end up being longer than a two-or-three shot. I'm thinking about it...  
**

**~futureauthor612~**

* * *

I grabbed Casey's hand and pulled her up the stairs behind me, running to my room and closing the door behind us.

"Okay," I said, still shocked from the tingling on my lips. "What just happened?"

Casey looked uncomfortable, but strangely not regretful. "I don't know…" She murmured. "You were being so… _nice _to me! I don't know what came over me!"

"Yeah, well, don't expect it often." I grinned at her, regaining my composure for a millisecond before losing it once more. "You- you kissed me!" I stuttered, almost unable to form comprehensive sentences.

She sighed, and then shrugged, not meeting my eyes, her mouth twisting into a frown. "Yeah," she said unsurely.

I opened my mouth like a fish gasping for air, and then closed it again. I blubbered a bit before saying, "Why?" I was unable to understand what was happening, my mind trying to embrace the idea that Casey, whom I had been pining for ever since she and her family had moved in with us, had actually _kissed me_. Not that I didn't acknowledge the fact that I was a total stud, but this was Casey we were talking about!

Her eyebrows raised in a whiny defense; same old Casey. "Well, I mean, there you were, just blurting out your feelings for me, and I didn't know what to do! I just had to kiss you to shut you up, because otherwise you would have just talked and talked and talked, not that I don't enjoy talking, because I do, but it was getting uncomfortable and I just had to do something so I kissed you and I don't know―"

I interrupted her blabbering by cupping her cheek in my palm. Her mouth shut tight, twitching for a moment, her eyes staring insecurely into my own. I bit my lip for a second, and then, hearing the faint sound of her breathing picking up, leaned in to press my lips gently to her cheekbone. "Derek, what are you―" she began to protest, but my lips were already sliding to hers, ending the protest indefinitely. For now, all I wanted was her. We had never been this close, physically (unless we were fighting) or mentally, and I knew this was the chance I'd been waiting for.

Her hands instinctively went around my neck, securing my lips to her, and I gladly allowed this. My hands were still holding her delicate face on either side as I gently pressed her against the wall, opening my mouth to breathe into her equally open one as we kissed.

I couldn't keep my hands from roaming, as the sounds of our breathing filled the small room. First they moved from her cheeks to her neck, pulling her as close to me as possible, loving the tastes of her tongue on mine. I allowed them to move down, cupping her breasts for a fraction of a second (whether or not we were making out, she'd still slap me if I did that for any more time; once a feminist, always a feminist). Then they moved down to her waist and her hips, stroking carefully the minimally exposed skin, pushing her shirt just a wee bit higher. I could only enjoy this for a moment before I felt her hands struggling to reach my shoulders, pushing me away.

"No, Derek," she said firmly, her expression reproachful. "Don't even think about it."

I smirked at her for a second, and then nodded once and wrapped my arms around her waist again, pulling her towards me. She wouldn't allow me to take off her clothing, fine, but that didn't prevent me from directing her towards my bed. She gasped as the bare backs of her knees made contact with the soft sheets, her mouth opening just long enough for me to cover it with mine.

I gently maneuvered her onto the bed, gently but forcefully, as I kissed down to her collar bone. She shuddered visibly as my tongue brushed against her skin. "Derek," she whispered. "We can't."

She obviously liked it so I ignored her, moving so that her head was on the pillow, and I was on top of her. I was careful not to put my full weight on her as my lips traveled along the base of her neck, her hands winding out to tangle themselves in my hair. My hand reached up from her waist to follow the trail of my tongue on her collarbone, brushing lightly. She arched her neck, giving me more room to kiss her there as my fingers brushed the collar of her preppy polo shirt, which I usually made fun of, but tonight found unbearably sexy.

I broke the kiss as my eyes ventured down to where my thumb and forefinger were gently pulling open the first of her three buttons. She gasped, feeling my cold fingers touch the previously covered area of her skin, and she looked down. When she saw what I had done, she jerked, undoubtedly trying to escape before this went any further.

"Casey, wait," I whispered in the almost-darkness. The only light was coming from a streetlamp outside my window, creeping through my translucent shades. Her eyes met mine, the fear in hers evident. "I know you're scared. I'll be careful, I swear it." I knew I was telling the truth; as eager as I was to have her, I would never try to hurt her.

"I know," she whimpered back, and I felt strangely bad about making her feel so torn like this. "But I… I've never…" she noticed the understanding in my eyes, and continued without finishing. "And, aside from all that, you… you're my _brother_." She said this word as if she was saying something horrible, such as _murder_.

I winced at that, and thoughtfully amended, "_Step_brother."

She smiled for a moment, but then frowned again. "All the same, what if someone were to find out? I don't know how I could bear if anyone knew that I…" I was sure she was thinking of many things; had _sex,_ had sex with her _stepbrother_, had sex with _Derek_…

"Don't worry," I murmured, trailing my lips down her neck to just above her next button. "It'll be our little secret." And from the look on her face, I could tell she was satisfied, for now.

From there things went faster. I unbuttoned the rest of her buttons, taking my time to kiss each patch of bare skin before uncovering yet another. Her legs wrapped around me possessively, and I could feel the arousal kicking in. I groaned, pushing myself up on her to envelop her lips with mine once more, as my cold fingers strayed to the bottom of her shirt. Her eyes closed for a second, and she drew in a deep breath, then let it out, tightening her grip on my hair as I pushed up on her shirt.

I loved the way her warm, flat stomach felt in comparison with my freezing cold hands. She felt this too, and let out a ragged breath. I continued to kiss her, breaking the kiss for a moment to pull the shirt over her head. She helped me to do this, surprisingly, and then I kissed her once more before examining her appreciatively. She wore a small black satin bra with lace on the edges; she had obviously been planning on having her first time with Max before he'd broken up with her.

Max. I wanted to crush that guy into a billion pieces for hurting Casey. He didn't deserve her; couldn't he have seen how lucky he was to have her? And yet I had to feel some gratitude for him, because he was one of the main factors to why I had Casey McDonald on my bed right that second.

Casey hesitantly pulled my chin up with her finger to look into her eyes. "You okay?" She whispered, her hands wandering down to the small of my back and pulling me closer to her. I gulped when I realized the proximity of how close I was to that black satin number. I nodded yes, and then kissed her right between her breasts, a gentle gesture. She gasped, arching her back. When she did this I took the opportunity I was given; I reached one of my hands around to the clasp of her bra, undoing it expertly.

She allowed me to pull her arms out of the thing, and I threw it hastily to the floor, my eyes narrowing in on her beautiful perky little breasts. How many times had she mistakenly left her door open, allowing me to see her preparing for bed, removing her shirt and her bra, letting me see all that she had to offer? And yet, it was nothing like right now, when every inch of my body was touching her.

I sighed, and then used one of my fingers to slowly trace a circle around her nipple; so light it was an almost nonexistent caress. But she felt it, taking in a deep, open-mouthed breath, her head stretching back against the bed board. My fingers traced lightly against her curves, further and further down, until they reached her waistband, lingering there.

She hesitated for a moment, and then nodded, and I untied her pink sweatpants, licking down her thighs as I pulled the pants off her legs and threw them to the floor at me.

She wasn't wearing any underwear; probably also in anticipation for Max's decision, I mused. But I refused to think about that right now. What was most important was that I was here, with a very beautiful, very naked Casey, on my bed, in this dark room… and I'd never been happier.


	3. Casey: Discovering

**Sorry to anyone who follows my other two stories. I just really REALLY need to get this story out of my system! So obviously it won't be a three-shot, even. It will probably be full-length. So hold on tight for more to come! Enjoy! Don't forget: REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!**

**~futureauthor612~**

* * *

I awoke slowly, my body aching from sleeping strangely. I groaned, yawning as I looked at the clock. 12:15. _Damn, have I been asleep that long?_

I shivered, and wondered why I was so cold. I looked down and realized it was because all that was covering me the white sheet that was used for under my quilt. I frowned, wondering why on earth I hadn't fallen asleep with the quilt as well. Then I raised the sheet to get out of bed, and what I found caused my breath to hitch in my throat. I never _ever _slept naked.

And then it all came back in a whirlwind of realization; the events of last night were a swirl of color in my memory, yet suddenly so vivid.

"Oh, crap," I whimpered, biting my lip so hard it almost bled. What had I done?

It hit me like a bucket of ice cold water being poured over my head.

Derek stripping me naked after persuading me to do it…

_He looked down at my bare body and moaned, kissing me harder than before. As he kissed me, his hand trailed down my body to my hand, grabbing it gently and pulling it to his collar. My other hand followed suit without request; I was too far deep to notice this mistake for what it was. _

_Our breaths mixed raggedly as I unbuttoned the buttons one by one, pulling the unnecessary piece of fabric out of the way and throwing it into the pile of clothes as though it were garbage. He broke our kiss for a moment, grinned at me, then sat back on his haunches on top of me to pull his wife beater off his head. He then swooped back down and it was as if his body had never left mine; we were interconnected, two pieces of a puzzle, two peas in a pod. We fit so perfectly together it was almost disturbing. _

_With a sudden movement, both his hands grabbed the back of my head and held tight, rolling over so that I was on top of him, giving me full leverage to admire his chiseled chest. _

_My hands swerved around the ridges of muscles till they reached his jeans. My fingers trembled as I slowly but surely opened the button, pulled down the zipper. There I stopped. My mouth broke from his gently, my tongue running against my teeth as I looked into his eyes. I inhaled deeply, and then used the fingers which were already on his pants, gently running them down from his waistband, in between the open zippers. They were so lightly caressing him through his underwear, but he swore and I felt his body arch slightly. _

_I smiled at him, and he bit his lip, his eyes filling with such need, such desire. He pulled himself up slightly to reach my lips, and I bent to meet him halfway there. His hands snaked around my waist, pulling me close. I felt his heartbeat adjacent to mine; they matched in perfect time― both much too fast. I let my lips wander across his cheekbone, to his ear. From there they slid down along the edge of his jawbone. I felt him shudder beneath me. I let my tongue poke between my lips, licking him once on his chin, then his bottom lip, and then I poked it through his lips, to meet his tongue. _

"_Don't move," I whispered, then began moving down his body with sudden boldness; the origins of which I had no clue. As I moved down, my hands pulled down his jeans as well, to his knees. Then they wandered up to his boxers, hitching onto the waistband, and pulled gently down. As I pulled them down, my teeth ran down his erect penis, causing a small jerk to come from it as he let out a choked cry. When my mouth reached the head, I touched it lightly with my tongue, and then proceeded to pull his jeans and boxers completely off his legs._

_Now we were even. Both completely naked; both extremely vulnerable. I had never seen Derek so utterly…human. It was a complete revelation to witness this occurrence. One I wanted to savor. I pulled myself back up to his lips, not allowing him to enter me just yet. I need to soak in this. My control over him right now was something I'd never experienced before. _

_I kept my legs closed tightly, but rubbed against him, roughly as I kissed him. He groaned, his hands intertwining in my hair and pulling me away from his lips, gasping. _

"_Please, Casey," He moaned raspingly, his eyes pleading with mine. _

_My eyes flickered to his lips for a moment. "Please what?"_

"_Please…I need you. I need to be inside of you."_

"_Why?"_

_He let out a strangled cry. I bit back a chuckle and raised my eyebrows. "Because I fucking _love_ you, Casey!" _

_I was glad he didn't notice my lack of reply as I laughed. _

_I then spread my legs wide, wrapping them around him, pressing myself up against him pushing myself onto his body. It was only a moment before he pressed into me, the pain unspeakable. I yelped as he tore through me, felt the bleeding come through the ache. _

"_Oh my FUCK!" I screamed, glad that the whole family was on vacation in Montreal so they couldn't hear my shrieks of pain, the bed rumbling as he pushed into me again._

_He froze inside me, his breathing stopping for a moment. He looked agonized as he mumbled, "Do you want me to stop, Case?" I shook my head no, my eyes filling with tears. As much pain as this caused me, I couldn't stop. Not when I'd come this far. I wasn't turning back. _

"_Harder," I whispered, and he pushed into me again, tearing me once more, continuing to do so, faster and faster, until the pain dulled and all I felt was pleasure, coursing through me like rockets flying off in every direction of my body. _

_And then it ended with a bang; my breath pulling through my teeth forcefully as my body arched up into Derek's. _

_Then it was over. And all that there was in the world was me and Derek, and nothing else mattered, and I could think of no consequences to these actions._

But now looking back on those actions I could think of many consequences, one being the fact that I slept with my _stepbrother_, who had been bothering and nagging and mocking me for years. I shuddered at the thought. Ugh. What had I been thinking?

I ran my hands through my messy hair, and then smelled them. I smelled like Derek; sweat mixed with cologne. Eww, why had I done this? I stood up with a huff, too angry to think straight, and grabbed my towel from a hanger on my door. I wrapped it around my naked body and stepped outside, determined to take a shower and rid myself of the evidence.

As I turned from my room into the hallway I ran headlong into the one I had been so desperate to get rid of. I stepped back three steps, not meeting his gaze.

He chuckled awkwardly. "So…" he began.

"So," I replied, and then pushed past him to get to the bathroom. No way would we talk about this. There was _nothing_ to talk about. _Nothing_ had happened, and that was final.

But as I ran my hands over myself in the shower, feeling down there to make sure everything was still working properly, there was no denying the tear in the usually-intact skin.

It had happened.

And I could not, _would _not face it.


	4. Derek: Reuniting

**Hey guys! Sorry it took a little longer to upload this chappy... I've been working on my other fanfics. Anyways, this one is a little shorter than the other two, but has some crucial information. I hope you enjoy!**

**~futureauthor612~**

* * *

I stared at the bathroom door in disbelief as Casey slammed it behind her. Was she really doing this? Denying the fact that we'd had sex, not to mention the best sex ever? I couldn't believe it. _Damn, _I thought. I'd really screwed things up.

I stood outside the door for the next ten minutes, listening to the running water from the shower, imagining Casey in there, scrubbing her hair, running her hands down her naked, wet body…

Enough. I needed to talk to her, _now_. I stood there for a few moments longer, until the door opened and she walked out, a rush of steam following her. She was wearing a towel wrapped underneath her arms, ending just below her butt. I felt my heartbeat speed up as I imagined myself peeling off that towel, kissing her everywhere…

I shook these thoughts out of my head. "Casey," I said, and she looked up, scowling.

"What do you want?" She snapped, raising an eyebrow.

I leaned away from her, my expression stung. "Casey… what did I do to you?"

"What did you _do_ to me?" She looked incredulous. "It's more like what you took. First, you took advantage of my despair, taking me completely by surprised by laying down that crap about loving me. Then, you _took_ off my clothes and _took_ me to your bed. And finally, you _took_ my virginity. And _that_ is something I will _never _get back." Her tone was dripping icily, her words cold.

I felt wounded. "Casey, I… I'm sorry." I looked away ashamedly. I hadn't meant to hurt her, emotionally or physically. I voiced that thought.

She shrugged. "Well, you kind of did." She said this cynically, as though I could have done something about it. I frowned looking towards the ground.

"Casey, please… don't hate me for this."

Her eyes shut tight, and a tear came rolling down her cheek. "Derek, no matter how much I hate you, I will _never_ hate you."

Somehow this made sense to me, and I nodded, breathing in slowly. She bent down to catch my eyes, which were staring at the ground. "I'm sorry, too, Derek. It was a lapse in judgment, and I shouldn't have done that to you." A faint smile came to her lips, and then it disappeared. "I'll see you later." She muttered, turning around to walk to the door of her room.

"Hey, Casey?" I whispered, causing her to pause and turn around, looking expectant. "When I said I loved you, it… it wasn't crap. It was the truth."

And then her arms were around my neck, her lips against mine as she pressed her towel-clad body up against my shirtless one. Our skin touching felt like magic; our breaths mixed just right. She pushed me up against the wall next to her door. I could feel her desire aching through her kisses; little gasps escaping from her mouth as she kissed me harder, deeper.

I knew two things for certain. One, we were simply kissing away our feelings, all those unspoken words that we just couldn't say. And two, that I didn't give a shit. I thought about this as I reached to the knot right above her breasts, pulling it open, allowing the towel to fall to the floor. I thought about this as my hands wound around her waist possessively, as her hands flew to my sweatpants and pushed them down urgently.

I thought about this as she reached behind her to open the door to her room, pulling me inside; as we lay down on the bed, our bodies meshing. I thought about this as we melted together, sinking into sheer oblivion for the second time in 24 hours.

* * *

When I awoke I was in Casey's bed, the sheets draped loosely over my naked body and hers. Her arm was wrapped around me protectively, her angelic face peaceful and calm. I ran my fingers down her arm absentmindedly. There were certainly no words to describe this feeling. I leaned down my face to her now-dry hair, breathing in her scent. Raspberries. Yum.

It was then I heard the sounds. Opening and closing doors, footsteps against the floor, loud talking and yelling.

Holy shit, our family was home. I jumped out of bed, shaking Casey gently. "Casey, Casey, they're home!" I hissed, yanking on my sweatpants. I kissed her once lightly on the forehead, and then raced out of her room to mine. I breathed a sigh of relief as I shut the door behind me.

I sat down, thinking about this. She was so torn up about all this, I could tell. Yet she kept throwing herself at me. Which I never declined, but at the same time…

A voice yelled up the stairs. "Derek! Casey! Come down and say hello!"

I sighed, picking up a shirt from the floor and pulling it over my head. I opened the door and lumbered down the stairs. "Hey, Nora; Dad. How was the trip?"

Nora came over and gave me a kiss. I cringed in typical me-fashion. I couldn't let anything on about me and Casey. "Oh, it was amazing. I wish you could have been there!"

"Smerek!" a small voice cried, and I turned to see Marti running towards me.

"Hey, Smarti!" I yelled, opening up my arms and enveloping her in a hug.

She hugged me back and then crinkled her nose, pulling away. "You smell funny." She said matter-of-factly. I sniffed my shoulder; I smelled like Casey. Damn. I laughed awkwardly and put her on the floor, patting her head.

"Doesn't he always?" Casey asked as she walked down the stairs. She looked perfectly put together in a Juicy sweat suit and a laid-back ponytail. That girl was classy. She smiled at our parents and sibling. "Hey, you guys, how was it?"

Dad smiled. "Wonderful, you would have appreciated it." He smiled, the skin around his eyes wrinkling. Edwin and Lizzie came running through the door, Lizzie yelling something at him about stealing her cell phone. They ran up the stairs one after the other.

I grinned. "Well, my time here is up. Have fun unpacking! See ya." I waved at all of them, not meeting Casey's eyes, and walked upstairs nonchalantly, hearing Nora mention something to Casey about my suspicious behavior.


	5. Casey: Daring

**YAY! Finally, a new chapter!! I really hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think! **

**~ futureauthor612~

* * *

**

Late that night, I was lying in bed studying. Back to normal Casey for me.

Yet somehow I could not get Derek out of my head… _Damn him, _I thought, as I tried my best to concentrate on calculus.

There was a knock at the door. "Come in," I muttered, keeping my eyes on my textbook.

"Hey," I looked up at the sound of Derek's voice.

"Hi," I scooted over on my bed so he could sit next to me once he'd closed the door. His hand landed on my thigh, stroking it.

"What are we gonna do?" He said after a moment.

I shrugged, watching his thumb trace circles on my leg. "there's nothing we _can _do. At least not with the family here…"

He winced suddenly. I looked up, reaching for his cheek. "What's wrong?!"

He grinned, leaning into my hand. "Sorry… the mere thought of not being with you gave me blue balls."

I chuckled, and then gave him a seductive look. His eyes widened as I pulled down the zipper to his jeans and slipped my hand inside, beginning to pump. He groaned eagerly as my hand slipped up and down his erect penis, feeling his hips grind against my arm.

"I'm gonna come," he murmured, his face twisted in a pleasured grimace.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I jumped, yanking my hand out of his boxers. He yelped, giving me a look of horror. Whimpering, I pulled him into my closet and left him there. I sat back down on my bed and yelled, "Who is it?"

"Lizzie," said a voice on the other side of the door.

Crap. Lizzie. I looked at my hand, which was covered in…sexual fluids. I hastily wiped it on my pants leg and replied with a "Come on in, Liz!"

She opened the door and came to sit on my bed. "Hey, Case," she said rather morosely.

"Lizzie, what's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Lately, Jamie's been… pressuring me."

"Excuse me?!" I was gaping in horror. Sweet, innocent, totally-there-for-you Jamie? Impossible. "Pressuring you…to have sex?"

She nodded. "At first it was just every once in a while, when we were hooking up, he'd pull out a condom and ask me if I was ready. But I'd always say no, Case, I swear!"

I pulled her closer to me in a hug. "It's ok, Liz. I understand. It's hard."

Tears began to run down her cheeks. "And then… just tonight, when I went over to his house to see him after not seeing him for a week, he started… He started to take off my clothes. I tried to get him to stop but he said he loved me and… Oh, Case, I'm so stupid. How could I do that??"

I hugged her tighter, rocking back and forth gently. "It's okay, it's okay. It's not your fault. It's okay, Liz, I swear it'll be okay."

She pulled out of my embrace for a moment. "Am I hearing this right?" She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, looking at me strangely. "Is this the same Casey who always told me that sex was the worst thing I could ever do? That guys are not to be trusted and that I should never let them like me for my body?"

I smiled a little. "I've changed, I guess…"

She smirked. "Weird…" she stood up. "You know, surprisingly, I feel a lot better now. Thanks, Case." She kissed me on the forehead and leaned away from me, wrinkling her nose. "Ew. You really do smell weird… Good night!"

I grinned as she closed the door, and lay down. I was exhausted… Within a few moments I was asleep.

"Casey,"

I jolted upright in bed, pulling the covers closer around me. "Who's there?!" I whispered through the darkness.

I heard a chuckle, and the tenseness in my shoulders eased. "Der-rek!" I muttered, folding my arms. I could see his profile vaguely sitting on the edge of my bed. I turned to reach for the lamp and clicked on the light so I could see my surroundings better.

I turned back and it took me a second to realize that Derek was hovering above me, his face an inch from mine. "I prefer the lights _off_," He murmured, and switched off the lamp once more.

Now I could see nothing. I could only hear his breath in tune with mine. In a moment, however, his lips were on mine and I had found him again. My arms wound around him and I felt his hands cupping my breasts. I wanted to tell him to stop touching them but it felt too good to pass up, so I let him be.

It didn't take long for my t-shirt to come off, followed by his. I wasn't wearing a bra underneath, and Derek seemed to appreciate that. He massaged them gently, passionately. His lips made their way down my neck and chest. I knew what was coming next, and the feeling sent my body into a tingling frenzy. His mouth enveloped my nipple, claiming it as his, sucking it as though he thought there might be a chance he'd get milk. My hands caressed his flaring back muscles eagerly, and my fingers dove into the back of his jeans, feeling his taut, toned butt against my palms.

That, combined with the work he was doing on my nipples, drove me crazy. I lunged for his zipper, pulling down his jeans as best as I could while his mouth was still on my breast. He helped, kicking them away nonchalantly, and proceeded to take off his boxers by himself.

I grabbed his face, pulling it off my chest and up to my lips. As his tongue delved into my mouth, his fingers delved into my sweatpants. I yelped into his mouth as they stuck in down there, and began to move. My hips gyrated like mad, fighting the feelings I was getting from this sensation. My breath was becoming more and more labored; I couldn't take much more of this. I came in a wild explosion of passion, and his name was the one on my lips.

I yelled his name many more times that night, as he did things to me which were probably illegal in most provinces of Canada.


	6. Casey: Attempting

**WHY, oh why has it been so long? idk! but i'm working on some great new chapters and a whole new storyline i'm really excited for... hope u guys enjoy! :-) **

**keep reading!**

**~futureauthor612**

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When I awoke the next morning, my first thought was _Derek_. But he was nowhere to be found. I pulled the sheets tighter around my naked body and sat up in bed. I glanced at the clock. Crap! I'd forgotten to set my alarm; it was 7:45. I was late for my internship at the district attorney's office! Jumping out of bed, I didn't even make an effort to slip on any clothes as I made a mad dash for the bathroom.

Bad idea. As I came flailing out of my room, praying simultaneously that no one would be there, my bare ass came in contact with none other than- Derek.

He was dressed for his own summer internship at a record label already, and smelled like his usual Versace cologne. Aside from my immense mortification, I was finding it hard to resist simply pouncing on him right there and then.

His eyes widened as they trailed slowly and painfully over every naked curve of my body. A hand came out to touch my breast but I slapped it out of the way.

"Der-_rek_!"

He grinned sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I'm just… really appreciating your choice of attire today…"

I sighed. "Well, too bad, 'cause I'm about to take a shower and then put on actual clothing."

He shrugged, winding an arm around me to kiss me gently. "Ah, saving it all for me? Well that works just fine in my book." He winked sultrily. I bit my lip, smiling, staring up into his eyes.

"Derek! Are you there?" Edwin's voice came from the living room; then footsteps heading up the stairs. I squeaked with terror and wriggled out of Derek's grip, running for the bathroom and slipping inside just before my younger stepbrother got upstairs.

I sighed with relief when I got inside, slamming the door. Too close.

I emerged from my room 45 minutes later, dressed for success, clean and proper-looking.

After a long day at work, I went over to Emily's house.

Emily was my best friend; we'd been almost inseparable in the years since I'd moved into the Venturi household. She'd also, though, had a crush on Derek for longer than she'd known me.

I needed her advice. But how to get advice from her when there was the slightest chance she would be biased?

And what if, somehow, she began to judge me?

It was impossible. I'd have to tell her in the most hypothetical-sounding way possible.

She opened the door and smiled, giving me a hug. As soon as she hugged me, the tension in my shoulders eased. Emily would help me.

I lay down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. "So, Em, how's your summer been going?"

She sat in one of her polka-dot bean bag chairs, leaning back. "It's been good. My internship at the fashion designer's has been amazing. And so enlightening. Did you ever know that they make chiffon in colors they invented themselves? Fascinating stuff."

I grunted an affirmation in reply, lost in my selfish thoughts.

"Casey? Casey?" She sighed, coming to sit next to me on the bed. "All right, obviously something's up. What is it?"

I sat up and hugged my knees closer to my chest. "Alright. Hypothetically speaking, if someone were to fall for someone who was completely _off_-limits, just by morals alone… what should she do?"

Emily looked at me for a moment, her eyes narrowing in utter confusion. "You lost me at 'hypothetically speaking'." I reached up to massage my face with frustration. "Come on, Case, tell me what's really up!"

I made a whiny noise and stood from the bed. "I can't, though! That's the whole problem! I can't tell anyone. If anyone ever found out…" I couldn't finish, but the obvious result would be: devastation.

Emily sounded affronted. "Casey, talking to your best friend here! What could be so bad that I can't even know?"

I groaned. "I'm sorry, Em, I just… I just can't!"

With that, I ran from her room, down the stairs, and out of the house. It was too soon for me to face this.


	7. Derek: Realizing

**And so the plot thickens... ;-)**

**haha, jk. you'll just have to keep reading to find out more about the Casey and Derek saga. **

**review please! 3**

**~futureauthor612**

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Casey. Her sexiness was becoming almost too much for me to bear.

The way she curved her lip when she was upset, and how she yelled "Der-_rek_!" when she was pissed at me.

I loved the way her eyes twinkled when she had a new activity planned for the two of us, the way she sultrily removed her clothing when I came to her room at night.

Each time was like a new experience; every kiss was like a flower in bloom.

I was a man possessed. It did not bode well for my Derek-ish ways.

So that would be why, early Saturday morning, when the sky was still a dim shade of orange in the early sunlight, and Casey was fast asleep, I snuck out to Sam's house.

Sam had been my best friend for years; he would help me.

And if he couldn't give good advice, at least he always had good party favors…

"Derek, my man!" He greeted me as I entered his door, giving me a manly hug. I followed him inside to the couch, where Ralph was already sitting.

"Hey Derek," Ralph murmured. He was intensely concentrating on a chip he was holding in his hand.

I turned to Sam. "Is he okay?"

He grinned. "Oh, he's fine. Just in a _very _good mood..." He held up a bag filled with white powder. "If you catch my drift."

I smiled back, nodding. "Sweet."

"Want a hit?"

"Not yet, man. I gotta talk to you about… girl troubles."

"Derek the player has girl troubles? This I gotta hear about. Do share." Sam made a _go on_ gesture with his hand, prompting me.

"Well there's this girl I never expected to be with… but since I've been with her I feel like…I've changed. You know? I don't think I'm the same guy I used to be." I realized how cliché that sounded, or maybe it was just lame, because Sam made a face and leaned down to the table to snort some coke. "What, was it that bad?"

He shrugged, sniffing a few times before replying, "I dunno, man. I mean, you're _Derek Venturi_. All the girls want you. Don't tell me you actually think you need to pay attention to them. They're just…" he thought for a moment. "Playthings. You use 'em a couple of times, then throw 'em away. It's easy as that."

"But you don't get it… This one's different! I think I might… love her." I shuddered at the words.

Sam raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Derek, be real for a second. You being in love is like Paris Hilton getting her PhD. Get over yourself, dude, and share in the fun." He handed me the powder and nodded in its direction, looking expectant.

I grinned at him and took a snort. Pretty soon the world was peaceful. I didn't need to worry about Casey… she was putty in my hands. Easy to deal with. After another hit I was already thinking about finding some new squeezes… Casey was just getting old for me.

_Yes, this is the life._ The world swimming before me, I smiled to myself. All my problems could and would wait. For now I was fine.

The crappy thing about flying high is that pretty soon the sensation dies down, and you start to realize that the illusions brought about by the high were completely false. You really _do_ have those problems; they _are _needing to be solved.

_Fuck_, I thought. What was I really going to do? I couldn't rely on Sam and his cocaine and his idealistic views of me. What if I really was just a regular guy? What if it was possible for me to fall in love?

I leaned forward in my seat and ran my hands through my hair. It was stupid of me to ever think I wasn't in love with Casey. I'd loved her since the moment she moved into my house. And now it was coming up to bite me in the butt.

When I got home that evening, I went straight upstairs. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and got into my t-shirt and boxers. By the time I was finished, it was late. The house was silent. I crept into Casey's room.

She was asleep, snoring softly. Her mouth was open slightly, inviting me, and I felt my pelvis tingle. What was this magnetic pull, this need to be with her, which rendered me so unable to think of anything _but_ her? What sort of power did she have over me?

I reached her bed and knelt down next to her sleeping form, pushing back a lock of her hair to better view her face. A beauty she possessed, a deep inner beauty, as well as outer, struck me then.

I couldn't help myself; with my finger, I traced the shape of her lips. Her tongue reached out to lick them, having felt the tickle of my fingertip. I reached down to her blanket, pulling it down, exposing her tank top, which read across the chest "cutie pie", and her short-shorts. I smiled down at her beautiful body, and lightly pushed up the hem of her shirt to see her flat, toned abdomen. There was a small birthmark near the waistband of her shorts; I'd never noticed it. I placed my hand over her stomach, feeling it contract and expand as she breathed.

"Casey McDonald, I love you," I murmured, looking back up at her face.

Suddenly I felt hands reaching up and grabbing my face, and then she was kissing me like she'd never kissed me before. No words, just hot kisses in the cool darkness.

One of the many reasons I adored her.


	8. Casey: Accepting

**Hey guys, it's been a while!**

**So, about this story... I've had so many ideas for it, and I already have it all planned out! I just needed to figure out how to execute properly. So I think I've finally figured out how to do this. Thanks to everybody who consistently sticks by me during my darkest hours of writer's block! I love all my readers. :D **

**Please don't forget to review! And above all, enjoy reading.**

**~futureauthor612~

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So, yes, I'll admit, it was beginning to seem like Derek could be… the _one_. I even shocked myself by saying it, but I was definitely falling in love with him. This was getting serious.

I awoke to Derek's hot breath on my face, his arm thrust over my ribcage like a possessive barrier. I sighed happily and snuggled deeper into his body. He was mine; I was his. We were together and everything was wonderful.

I lay there for a while, staring into his face. I watched his eyes flutter with the hectic ecstasy of dreaming. I listened to his soft snoring, which emerged from his breath in a gentle rumble. I felt his chest move against my shoulder, rising and falling with each breath.

It was in there, in that position, that I realized I was falling for him.

The sudden thought made me jolt a bit, which subsequently caused Derek to jerk in his sleep, an abrupt pause occurring in his breathing, but he didn't wake up. As I reluctantly came to terms with this newfound epiphany, I considered the consequences and benefits of a relationship with Derek.

I'd always been a rational person; I thought everything through before I acted. This, however, was a different case. In fact, this was the one thing I had ever done in my life that was not completely worked out in my head. I was still getting used to "spontaneous Casey".

Still, Derek felt like… a good decision. He made me happy. He made me laugh. He made me feel human. Best of all, he knew how to relieve me of my insecurities and make me see everything for the simple reality and wonder of itself. This was unique about him; I couldn't find that in anyone else.

Then again, practically everything about our secret relationship screamed "danger zone". He was my step-brother, for one. Not to mention the fact that he had a history of being a womanizer and a player. And just because he seemed to have changed his ways, didn't mean that history couldn't come back with a fury in a matter of seconds.

Obviously I had a lot to think about. Problem was, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out a situation where the negatives outweighed the positives. It was almost like… I was stuck with him. And despite everything I stood for, I didn't mind it.

Sometime during this conversation with myself, Derek opened his peaceful eyes and gazed into mine silently. He smiled a lazy grin and kissed my lips, then rolled over and stretched like a cat awakening from slumber. I tried to keep my eyes off his muscles as he did so. He then wrapped me in his arms and kissed me for a while, which I couldn't complain about. I even let him play with my breasts for a couple of minutes without protest.

Yes, I was definitely becoming a different person.

But I can't say I minded.

Derek pulled away to examine my face. "Good morning, darling," he murmured, and pecked me on the lips once more.

"Morning, baby," I replied. I used my right hand to push a stray curl out of his face. "Sleep well?"

"With you? Always." He chuckled, and for a fleeting moment I pondered the cheesiness of this conversation. Even so… it was sweet.

He kissed me some more, until I finally pushed him off, glancing at the clock. 9:05 AM. It was Sunday, but the family would be waking up soon. I jumped out of bed and exclaimed, "Alright, out!" There, more like the old Casey.

Derek groaned. "Come on, Case, morning sex is the best kind!"

"Der-_rek!_"

He laughed, getting out of bed. Okay, seriously, boxers? It was getting really difficult to tear my eyes away these days. "Alright, Casey, just for you." He came up and wrapped his arms around my waist. I placed my arms around his kneck and giggled as he kissed my jawbone lightly.

"Want to go to the mall later or something?" I looked into his eyes as I said it. In a way, this would be our first official date. He seemed to register that by the expression on his face.

"Uh, okay, sure!"

I smiled. "Great, let me just take a shower. We'll leave soon?"

"Yeah, sounds good." One more kiss on the cheek, and he slipped out the door.

I resisted the urge to twirl around my room with glee. Instead, I stripped, wrapped myself in a towel, and went to the bathroom to shower.

An hour later we were leaving, with the excuse that we were going to buy items for student council responsibilities. Mom and George still looked fairly suspicious, but we just laughed them off and took off in Derek's car.

On the ride to the mall, I watched the trees pass by the car window. I thought how apropos it was that each year the leaves fell off, and a few months later new leaves and flowers formed there. Similarly, a relationship has the power to start anew. One year it could be one way, the next year another way entirely. Take me and Derek for example! If you had told me a year ago that this year I would be slowly but surely falling madly in love with this boy, I'd have told you that you were completely off your rocked. Funny how things work that way.

At the mall, Derek and I walked and talked, about life and school and so many random things that any passerby who happened to eavesdrop on our conversation would have thought we were either the oldest of friends or the closest of lovers. I chuckled to myself at this thought.

We saw a movie, a horror movie, the kind at which the girlfriend is predisposed to clutch the boy's arm in terror, hide in his shirt at the scary parts, and scream when is necessary, so that the boy can hold her and comfort her and feel needed. Naturally, yet despite all my Casey-ness, I did all of these severely cliché actions. And I didn't mind one bit of it.

As we walked out of the theater and into the parking lot where Derek's car was parked, I pondered all the perfection of it all: this day, this relationship, the way things were working out… Hell, if things continued going as they were, I might even be willing to tell people about us! This was laughable, of course, because I'd still be totally against telling anyone, no matter how amazing it was.

Derek walked around the car to open my door for me. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him, then kissed him lightly on the lips. "Thank you," I whispered, "for a perfect first date."

He grinned widely and kissed me sweetly and longingly. "Anything for you, Casey."

I smiled happily and sat down in the car, as did Derek, and we drove away, content and peaceful.

On Monday I went to school as usual, but things were anything but ordinary. I was on cloud Nine, another level, somewhere far away where there was only Derek and only me and we lived in blissful harmony.

I was in such a state of bliss that I almost didn't notice the stares.

Almost.

I couldn't help but wonder, as I walked down the halls, why everyone was staring at me. Some were snickering. Others were gaping. Some looked disapproving.

As I noticed more and more people's faces looking like this, I began to get a horribly anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong.

I walked to my locker at a fast pace, eager to get away from the looks.

I breathed an audible sigh of relief when Emily came up to me. She'd know what was going on. She would help me.

It was only when I noticed the anger on her face and the tears in her eyes that I realized something really _was_ wrong.

"Emily, what's going on? Everyone's staring— wait, why are you so upset? Did something happen? Oh, Emily—" I moved to embrace her but she jerked away as though I was a leper.

"Don't _touch_ me." She sneered.

I was so taken aback I could hardly speak. "Excuse me?" I stuttered.

"Seriously, Casey?" She shook her head. "Are the rumors true?"

The hole in my stomach was steadily growing deeper. "What rumors, Em?" I whispered.

"Are you playing dumb? Or are you actually that stupid that you haven't heard?"

I was now legitimately frightened. "Emily, _what are you talking about_?"

She looked disgusted. "I always knew you leave your goody-good days behind you eventually, but I thought you had enough dignity and class to at least tell your best friend when you do! God. You make me sick."

And thus, with one sentence my entire world collapsed. "I— I— _What?_"

She looked fed up with my ignorance and whipped out her cell phone. After a few seconds she turned the screen to show me what had obviously been on the screens of most of the kids in school by now.

My phone buzzed. I opened it to find the same thing that Em had just shown me.

And what was on that screen made me want to _kill_ Derek Venturi.


	9. Derek: Crumbling

**Here is an extra new chapter for your reading pleasure. :D  
I love you all! Please don't forget to review.**

**~futureauthor612~

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I felt like a king; nothing could bring me down.

I had an amazing girlfriend, who I _loved_. Yes, love. Love! LOVE!

It's freeing, that word. Love.

I love you.

Three simple, simply incredible words.

I was floating.

I was soaring.

I was… on top of the world.

I wanted to open my arms to everyone I knew and give them a big hug, because I just wanted everybody to know: I. Am. In. Love.

On Monday I walked through the halls with my usual carefree coolness, but things were anything but ordinary. I was on cloud Nine, another level, somewhere far away where there was only Casey and only me and we lived in blissful harmony.

But I felt the stares. I heard the snickers. I saw the gapes. I saw the disapproving looks.

I walked up to Casey, who for some reason looked much more perturbed than I'd expected.

"Hey beautiful," I whispered so no one else could hear. "Have you noticed that people have been acting really strangely today?" I laughed, like it was no big deal, though it was in fact slightly bothersome.

She just stared at me, a disgusted look on her face. She looked like she wanted to kill me, curse at me, or slap me. I suppose in the end the latter choice won. I saw the momentary fury in her face as she extended her hand and slapped me with all her might, causing me to jump back a few steps.

Then I watched her walk away, my face stinging and my eyes watering.

Something was wrong.

My phone suddenly buzzed. I took it out of my pocket and opened the new text message from an anonymous number.

And then I understood.

And, oh boy, am I fucked.

Oh.

Fuck.

I'm.

Fucked.

For that screen bore a picture, one which I could only assume had graced the screens of countless other students of this school.

In the picture were a girl and a guy standing by a beige '94 Chevy. Their arms were around each other. They were kissing.

That girl and guy were most certainly, without a doubt, Casey and I.

And boy, was I royally fucked.


	10. Casey: Falling

For the next few days, I avoided Derek like the plague. I couldn't bear look him in the face. How could I, after the humiliation I'd faced at the hands of my schoolmates, all on his account? It wasn't like I was embarrassed of _him, _but more of _myself. _I felt like a failure! I tried to keep a low profile, but sometimes it just wasn't very effective…

_Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,_

_And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me?_

_I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down,_

_And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now…_

"CASEY."

Someone was shaking me out of my Taylor Swift-induced coma, forcing me back into reality. I ripped my headphones out of my ears, from which the music was still blasting, and opened my eyes. Standing at the edge of my bed, there, was Derek.

"Casey, please, just speak to me. It's been almost two weeks." Until now, my eyes had been focused on the stuffed unicorn sitting on the corner of my bookshelf across the room, but now I met Derek's pleading eyes with my cold ones.

"I have nothing to say to you." With that, I turned onto my side so that my back was facing him. He groaned with frustration.

"_Please_, Casey, I swear I had nothing to do with this!" This statement caused me to whip around, making him jump a little.

"_Nothing to do with this? _Derek, I know you claim all these feelings for me, but when it all comes down to it you're the same as you've always been… a teenage boy, just looking for bragging rights. I'm sure the second that picture surfaced you were just _thrilled_. I bet you get a whole lot more guys slapping you on the back and girls lusting after you than ever before, huh? A secret fling with your stepsister… Kinky, isn't it?" He looked hurt, but I was determined not to let myself care. "Give me a break, Derek. You probably asked one of your 'boys' to take that photo anyway. Prove to everyone that you could get the one girl who was always off-limits for you, huh? Well news flash, _Derek_," —I spit out his name like dirt— "I'm done with your little games. You can't have me anymore."

When I was finally done with my rant, he stood there silently. The look on his face was that of a sick puppy that had just been kicked in the stomach. For a moment my heart cried for what we once had, but I pushed the feeling away. He had only caused me trouble. We were done.

"Please just leave, Derek. Now."

He looked at me one more time, meeting my eyes and holding my gaze for a few long moments, before turning and walking out the door. I inhaled sharply, closing my eyes. A single tear rolled down my cheek. And then I simply curled up into a ball, closed my eyes, and held myself. _This too shall pass._

When I finally arose from my hibernation, I called the one person I thought I could.

"Casey?" he answered, his voice gruff with sleep. It was, after all, about three o'clock in the morning.

I opened my mouth to reply, but all that came out was sobs.

"Casey? Casey, what's wrong?" His voice was worried, and he'd quickly lost all sense of tiredness.

I blubbered something incoherently.

He sighed. "Casey, come on, talk to me." When I didn't— no, couldn't— respond, he said, "Meet me in the park."

I hung up the phone and wiped my cheek with the back of my hand, stood from my bed, and didn't even bother slipping on a sweatshirt over my t-shirt and pajama pants. I grabbed my car keys, tiptoed down the stairs, and was out of the house and in the car in a matter of moments.

When I reached the deserted, dark park, I turned off the car and sat in it for a moment. What had I been thinking, calling Max, of all people? He'd broken my heart; had I forgotten? No, I hadn't. But I also remembered him being a wonderful listener with a good heart, and at this fragile moment in my life I needed him.

I slammed the door on my way out, walking quietly in my flip-flops towards the wide yellow slide, where I sat. I didn't have to wait long before I heard footsteps approaching. I turned slightly to see Max, after all this time, coming towards me. He was still just as handsome as ever. He was tall and slim, but built well, as he played football. He had soft black hair that grew upwards in tufts, and blue eyes that made a girl want to melt. I bit my lip in anticipation as he neared.

When he got close enough to see the look on my face, he rushed to my side, pulling me close into his arms. I cried for a long time, what felt like hours.

When I was finally done, I turned to him, hiccupping slightly. I felt a stray tear falling down my cheek, and Max, hesitantly, wiped it away with his thumb. "Tell me what's wrong, Casey," he murmured, and I forced myself to look away from his intense gaze, shaking my head.

"I can't," I whispered, and as the harsh truth of it all came back to me, I dissolved back into tears.

As he pulled me to his chest, I inhaled his scent: Versace Cologne. This realization only made me cry harder, as memories of things I'd lost came tumbling back to me. Max rubbed my back, and when my cries had quieted once more, he whispered in my ear, "I've really missed you, Case,"

I found some strength in my arms to place them against his chest and push him away from me, standing up. "You shouldn't. I'm horrible," I crossed my arms over my chest, backing away slowly. He stood up and walked towards me slowly.

"Casey, no, you're wonderful. You're smart and beautiful and… and I'm stupid for ever letting you go."

I spun around, so swiftly that he looked a bit startled. "You broke my heart, Max. You broke my heart and shattered me and I... I've never been the same…"

He placed his hand on my arm. "Casey, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, it's just… You scared me." He must have caught the look on my face, because he quickly backtracked and corrected himself. "I mean, you were so smart and strong, and you never let anything stand in your way. And I wasn't like you, Casey. I wasn't strong enough for you. So I did the only thing I was brave enough to do: I let you go."

I looked into his blue eyes, the first feature I'd ever noticed about him, and searched for truth. And in his eyes I saw a look that made me feel… safe. Standing there, in the park, staring at him, I realized that right there in the dim light near the slide was where I needed to be. And my decision to invite Max to be there with me, it was perfect.

"Casey," he continued, "I still—"

He never got to continue those words, because my lips had landed on his, sealing out any more words. I wrapped my hands in his soft black hair, and his hands came to rest on my hips, squeezing gently. I knew this wasn't the best solution to my problem, but it felt so right to come back to my first love.

I backed up till I was leaning against the slide; Max pressed me down so that I was laying on it. His kisses were unlike Derek's fierce, passionate ones; they were soft and gentle and loving, and he would stroke my cheek and caress my back, and every once in a while his lips would leave my lips and trail down my neck to my collarbone, where he planted feather-light kisses until he returned to my mouth.

Part of me craved something extra. I grabbed his hands from my waist and dragged them up to my breasts, which were bare underneath my t-shirt. He touched them hesitantly at first, then squeezed gently. A tiny moan escaped my lips and I arched my back slightly so that our kiss went deeper. "Oh, Max," I murmured softly.

My hands rushed to his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them and pulling them down. I felt him hardening underneath his boxers, and pulled them down as well. With a little encouragement, Max made quick work of my pants and underwear, too.

Max and I had never had sex. My only experience had ever been with Derek. Back when I was with Max, I was different. We didn't sleep together because I was strong, independent. I had virtue and values. Now what did I have? A screwed-up family and a failed incestuous relationship. _Brava. _

I felt Max positioning himself; when he entered me, he not only filled a hole in my body but one in my heart. Slowly, rhythmically, he began to move. I cried out, but not from pain. Max didn't hurt me. He made love like a whisper; Derek, on the other hand, preferred a method more similar to a storm. He kissed my lips, my cheek, my eyelids, my neck… I felt so taken care of in that moment.

Max was a romantic; always had been. As he thrust, he whispered things in my ear like "I love you, Casey," and "You don't know how long I've dreamed of this." Every time he said something like that I felt something inside of me repaired, and I kissed him with every ounce of my being.

He climaxed with a simple groan, squeezing me tight to his body, and a few seconds later I came, too. I looked around, breathing heavily. Sometime during our lovemaking we'd fallen to the ground, and I had woodchips in places a girl should _never _have woodchips. I made an effort to wipe away some of them, and then I turned to look at Max, who was gazing at the stars thoughtfully, a sheen of sweat layering his forehead, his breath labored as well. I put my hand over his defined chest, tracing my fingers around his muscles absentmindedly. The consequences of what I'd just done were beginning to register in my brain around then, but I refused to accept them. Right now it was just me, Max, and these woodchips.


	11. Casey: Mistaking

**NEW CHAPTER! yay! please don't forget to review and let me know what you think :)**

**thanks for being so patient with me! love you all!**

**~futureauthor612~**

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I've done a few things in my life I regret.

When I was seven, I knocked a $500 vase off the table in the front hallway and, upon confrontation by my mother, immediately and without hesitation pointed a finger at four-year-old Lizzie. At age ten, I forgot the crucial "i before e EXCEPT after c" rule during a spelling bee, and had tearfully taken second place to my one sworn enemy, Jeremy Hunhorn. On my thirteenth birthday I spilled yellow paint all over Suzy Lynch during an art project, ruining her brand new Ugg boots and pretty much solidifying a lack of invitation to _her_ next party.

Still, aside from these momentary lapses in judgement which were, believe me, few and far between, I was pretty much a perfect child. I was the kind of girl about whom you said, "She's not that kind of girl" to just about everything which connoted bad behavior. I was the mathlete, the overachiever, the girl who stormed into her teacher's office after receiving a 99 on a test, demanding to know why she hadn't gotten 100.

Yes, I was the girl who probably pissed you off just by looking at her. But it wasn't my fault! It was in my blood, this constant need to rise above, to compete; not with other people, no, with _myself_, my fiercest opponent. I needed to constantly be striving for bigger and better things...

So, one can probably imagine how I felt when I found myself in love with Derek Venturi.

But that was over now. I was past him. I had to be.

Because nothing could compare to the feelings of remorse in the pit of my stomach when I woke up one morning, rolled over, and realized I'd had sex with Max.

It didn't occur to me at first, naturally. First thing I thought about when I woke up that morning was what the day was. Then I confirmed: Saturday. Next, I contemplated cereal choices for that morning. I glanced at the clock: 9:30. If I wanted my favorite, I'd need to hurry downstairs before 10, which was the time which Derek chose on Saturdays to make an appearance, eat breakfast, and then lumber back to his room and sleep for three more hours. Now Derek was on my brain, and thinking about Derek led me to the picture and that led me to the fight and that led me to- oh, shit. Max.

Slowly, memories of the previous night began to bubble up in my brain. It started out innocently enough; a desperate phone call to an old friend, nevermind ex-lover; an impromptu meeting at a deserted playground in the wee hours of the night; a throw-all-to-hell romp session which included, but was not limited to: yes, sex on the slide.

Was it the right thing to do? Not at all. Was I happy I did it? Not at all.

Did I regret it?

My immediate reaction was _yes_, 100%.

But, being the strong, independent feminist I refused to accept I no longer was, I began to talk myself out of it. Why _should_ I feel guilty, huh? I had broken things off with Derek, so it wasn't like I'd cheated on him or something, if that was even possible in the situation we'd been in. And calling Max was just— something I needed. A one-night rebound. It had been nothing; that was understood by both parties. Now I could finally move on with my life, far away from Derek and far away from this one gigantic lapse in judgement.

Phew.

Now that that was over and I'd successfully rationalized even the most severe of my actions, I had more important fish to fry. For instance, recovering my reputation. That was going to be a fantastically challenging task, given recent events. But it was crucial that I try, and even more crucial that I succeed.

So I went downstairs to eat breakfast, careful to return to my room before 10 so as to avoid Derek completely. I took a shower, careful _not_ to take my time between my door and the door to the bathroom, like I usually did, in the hopes that Derek would come out and see me. Instead, I made a beeline for the privacy of the bathroom.

By 11, I was ready to start my day. Number one rule of getting over it: keep self busy. Therefore my schedule was packed. First things first, however; apologize to Emily.

As I was closing the front door behind me, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Looking at it, I saw I had one new text. It was from Max. "thinking of u," it read, and at that moment I knew— the shit I was in this time was far too deep to talk myself out of.


End file.
